>> YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF...
>>
>>You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.
>>
>>You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"
>>
>>You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were
>>just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
>>
>>You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic
>>minority here) friend"
>>
>>You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to
>>welfare.
>>
>>You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
>>
>>You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
>>
>>The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck,
>>they're richer than you.
>>
>>You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
>>
>>You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
>>
>>You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."
>>
>>You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
>>
>>You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of
>>bitches."
>>
>>You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."
>>
>>You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."
>>
>>You answer to "The Man."
>>
>>You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it
>>because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
>>
>>You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."
>>
>>You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert
>>and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
>>
>>You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.
>>
>>You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."
>>
>>When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."
>>
>>You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."
>>
>>You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
>>
>>You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your
>>home.
>>
>>Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
>>
>>You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism
>>in America.
>>
>>You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
>>
>>You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
>>
>>You've ever called education a luxury.
>>
>>You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
>>
>>You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
>>
>>You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.
>>
>>You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
>>
>>You're afraid of the liberal media."
>>
>>You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition
>>dictates...."
>>
>>You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can
>>because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."
>>
>>You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps,
>>when they don't even have shoes.
>>
>>You confuse Lenin with Lennon.
>>